That's Fancy for...

Ok, I am gonna cut the crap and tell it like it is...

I DESPISE the bedtime routine in our house! Yes it ends with kids in bed but I hate it with a passion!

Most nights it goes something like this....

Approximately 7pm we head the younger two upstairs to shower,brush teeth, etc. Then after teeth are brushed and hair is dryed (yes I dry Sassy Tahoe's hair cause if I don't its a rats nest in the morning) we start pushing them towards bed. The next fifteen minutes is when I start to get annoyed....

Normally at this point someone forgets something downstairs, or has to pick the perfect book which of course is in the playroom or at the library or hasnt been written yet. Once all the above is choosen or handled we get them in the bed. (We have to divide up and take them on one on one cause otherwise it would take all damn night!)

This is where the choose your own ending starts...
IF you choose Little Tahoe you lay on the bed and read one book, normally involving Buzz Lightyear and you probably already read it four times this week but no big deal. Then once the book is finished you turn off the light and "sing songs". Now with this mini this is where it goes down hill. He doesnt want traditional night night songs he wants you the sing the theme song from Bob the Builder, or some song you have never heard of (which you of course find out later is a song Titan Boy made up and forgot to tell you!) After songs you kiss him on the head and start heading for the door. That is as far as you will make it before he "needs you". This normally means he has to take a dump. Seriously? I saw my freedom just threw the doorway and now I have to get him out of bed, remove full body zip up pajamas and pull up and get him in the bathroom so I can sit on the floor for twenty minutes while he "tries" to poop. Then he will say he really didnt need to go and you have to get him dressed again and back in bed. As you try to walk out again he reminds you that his water is on the counter downstairs and he wants you to go get it. After water is fetched and he is kissed on the forehead again, I start my escape, only to get stopped by him to make sure I am going to come back and check on him in FIVE minutes! By this point I need a shot of vodka to get my blood pressure back down to a normal range...

IF you choose Sassy Tahoe you head to her room for her to read you a book. Now keep in mind I am very proud of my over acheiving reading kindergartner but it takes her FOREVER to read you a book. Cause she of course does not pick easy ones. Normally they are Fancy Nancy books and we have read them like thirty times each! These books all have crazy words in them and then a glossary of terms in the back explaing the crazy words. Once she starts the book I am not allowed to interject unless she asks me to! This makes the book take about 20 minutes to read. What am I doing at this time do you ask? Laying face first on her bed begging for the clock to speed up or planning tomorrow nights dinner or trying to talk myself out of a tantrum! By the time she is done reading the book and the glossary of terms I am almost out of my mind. After a "huggie" and a few kisses I turn off the light and head for the door. Freedom is just a few steps away when she remembers something she forgot to tell me or wants to know what keeps the sun from falling on us or tattle on something her brother did to her over the weekend. At this point I am about to lose it! But I of course smile and tell her good night again. Then I head for the stairs as fast as I can and make it down about four of them before she realizes her water is on the counter in the kitchen or she has to take a snack to school tomorrow or something else random and crazy! I grunt out "GOOD NIGHT" and run down the stairs...not really caring at this point!

Now at this point it is normally 8:30pm and I still have one left to put to bed...Mini#1 and here is how this part goes...."Hey, get off the computer and go to bed!"....."OK Good Night Mom!" and off he goes. That is it! Love That Kid for That!!!!!!

Normally by now I am ready to become one with the couch but still have dishes, laundry or work to do.

And of course this ritual is a quotidian. (Thats fancy for happens daily!)

I am sure many of you have it worse but really I HATE bedtime!
Tahoe Girl